Why I Am Not An Amazing Homemaker

whyiamnotanamazinghomemakerI have a confession. I’m a horrible homemaker. I don’t bake like Patty does, I don’t have a Pinterest worthy home.

Every day thousands of moms around the world talk down to themselves, myself included. Then we all wonder why we don’t have the motivation to get things done. As women we see our limp dishwater hair, wiggly thighs, or an expanding waistline. For the majority of us the less than positive side of ourselves is always in focus.

I want to be the most amazing homemaker on the planet for my family. I am going to say this in the third person because I don’t feel as alone in this struggle when I do. So bear with me.

We define ourselves by what we can or often cannot provide for our children. If it were up to us, our kids would have the best. We want them to have the best clothes and to be able to afford anything their little hearts desire (no matter how often that changes). It is our greatest desire to see them excel in kindness, intelligence, consideration, and a million other desirable qualities.

We want our husbands to come home to an amazing meal, clean house, and wife who is always in the mood for a snuggle.  We want the fairy tale as Julia Roberts once said. There is only one problem with that – you aka ME.

 

Shallow Hal

shallow hal

A movie came out a few years back that really fits what most women mentally, and emotionally do to themselves. The movie was called ‘Shallow Hal’. Hal was a young boy who loved his father.  As Hal’s father lay dying, he gave young Hal some boneheaded advice. As he grew up, Hal followed faithfully the advice of his dying father.

Hal only dated women who were physically beautiful. He then ran into a self-help guru who hypnotized him into seeing only a woman’s inner beauty. Hal soon meet Rosemary, a grossly obese woman, and all he saw when he looked at her was a vision of loveliness.

Your children will only have one mom. Your husband, only one wife. Most of us are so hyper critical of ourselves it is difficult to think of ourselves as super anything. We have an internal dialog that says you are too much of this or not enough of that. The first step to becoming an amazing homemaker, or amazing anything for that matter is to SHUT THAT VOICE UP.

Not Just A Homemaker – Who are YOU?

We have to spend time finding out who we are as women to be able to take back our confidence. We have to stop our negative thought processes and realize that there is value in who we are – no matter who we are. Mess around and you might even realize that you have something amazing to offer the world (other than your superior baking skills). And FYI your children are not who you are. They are a part of you, a VERY important part. But they are not the whole.

We have to stop our negative thought processes and realize there is value in who we are. Click To Tweet

If you treat your children as though they are the only thing that gives you value, you are damaging the emotional and mental well being of your kids. STOP IT. We have all heard parents say I live for my kids, or my kids are my life.  That is not healthy for the child. As mothers when we make statements like that it makes our children feel a sense of responsibly toward us and our happiness that is unhealthy.

Your child does not want to be your life, your world, your buddy, or even your friend – after a certain age. Once they have moved past it, you should too.

This is about you – not your children. Children model our behavior.  Only after we realize our true wants and desires can we truly be happy with who and what we are.  With that knowledge comes an assertiveness to reach our goals and desires. Seeing that is healthy for our children. Children need to learn from their parents that when life is hard you cannot let it defeat you.

Once you have found who you are; you then can figure out what you want for you and your family. Once you know what you want, you can pretty easily begin to envision what sort of homemaker you want to be for your family.

Become Amazing in Every Area of Your Life

We all juggle different areas of our life praying and crossing our fingers we don’t forget the important stuff. Nothing will make you feel more like a heel than to forget its your turn to take cupcakes to school, or it was your day to go visit a family member in the nursing home. I have a few things in place to help keep things in order. This allows me to be the very best homemaker I can be.

I screw up and forget just like everyone else, but it happens much less frequently than it used to. Because just like a lot of things in life these bullet points are much easier for me to tell you about, than they will be for you to keep.

Focus on one bullet point per week, the next week add another point, and soon you will find yourself thinking to yourself, “Wow I have come a long way”. Then you ask yourself how much further you want to go.

Getting Started

  • Set your priorities, and keep them in order
  • Identify what is most important in your home. Focus on it daily.
  • MAKE yourself take at least 1 hour per week doing something alone.
  • Take 5-15 minutes per day doing something you enjoy.

4 Your Spirit

  • Spread your gifts to other women
  • Remove negative people from your life. Even relatives.

 4 Your Body

  • Pick one healthy habit and do your best to incorporate it into your daily life.
  • Make one change that forces you to move more. When that becomes easy, choose another one.

 4 Your Mind

  • Set your goals
  • Accept your mistakes, no matter how often they happen.
  • Celebrate your successes, no matter how small they are.

 

We Are Stronger Together

As you take the journey to becoming the best wife, mom, sister, friend, homemaker you can be; take others on the journey as well. We all need that little bit of encouragement. That sense of wow she really likes XYZ that I do. Talk  to yourself the way you would talk to a friend. Kindness and empathy are important. They are most effective when used on ourselves.

So here are 12 Rules I try my best to live by. They shape my thoughts and actions.  I practice these rules every day, and do not deviate from them unless there is an absolute emergency. I encourage you to use them if you like. Read them, recite them, and remember them.

 

  1. I will work everyday for at least two solid hours on my business
  2. My day will not start until I have written it down on paper the night before
  3. I accept that everything that happens to me – good and bad – is my personal responsibility and I blame no one but myself. These are the choices I’ve made – this is the life I’m living and I will accept the consequences of my actions.
  4. As a mom I will say something positive to each of my children every day.
  5. I will compliment another mom/person as often as possible.
  6. Give something away (material object, knowledge) without expecting or wanting anything in return.
  7. I will find a reason to say yes to my child when my first instinct is to say no.
  8. My child will hear me compliment him/her to someone else.
  9. I will look for new ways to improve my family in all areas of our life
  10. Others will not be able to tell me I can’t, shouldn’t, or won’t
  11. I refuse to allow myself to think negative thoughts
  12. Every morning I will acknowledge the blessings I have and show my appreciation in anyway I can find.

Do you speak negatively to yourself? Do you take care of yourself the way you would take care of a loved one?

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Born in Kentucky, I am a wife and mom to 1 son and 2 daughters . I have an ink pen obsession, as well as a love for all things planner. I have been married for 10 years to my high school crush. I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

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2 thoughts on “Why I Am Not An Amazing Homemaker

  1. I have been slowly working my way around your site on and off for several days now. I just wanted to comment and say this entry really hit home for me.
    Thank you very much for all your advice in your blog. You certainly have helped me.

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